Gulpa gaka anganya. Welcome, friends.
A Living and Learning Journey Begins
If you’re joining me for the first time, my name is Natarsha Napanagka Bamblett; I am a proud Walpiri, Yorta Yorta, Wiradjuri and Kurnai woman. Through my Soulful Stories blog I set the intention to share what is in my world, in my heart, that it may strike a chord with you. This blog series will reflect my living and learning journey, through life and business – I hope it encourages you to move more confidently through your own journey.
Honouring Life in the Midst of Loss
Here I am as a mother for the 3rd time…
When I fell pregnant this time around, life was chaotic. I was fully in the realm of life cycles taking place: I had life growing within me – and at the same time there was a lot of loss within the family, end-of-life cycles. Particularly, I was losing a lot of women: aunties and grandmothers, women who are the pillars of our community, who guide us. There was part of me that felt so disconnected from my own body and self that I didn’t even feel pregnant for the first four months. I kept thinking… ‘I don’t feel it, I don’t feel it.’
I knew I had to make time to sit with myself, make time to honour this pregnancy, separate to the family grief. I found solace, space, stillness. I found my breath again. If I’m honest, I was afraid to connect because I knew how strong the spirit of this baby growing inside me was – I knew it was going to be a girl the moment I sat and connected with her. She was calling me deeply present. I felt this healing power that was happening within me – and this gave me the strength to support those grieving around me. If you’ve been on a journey of healing, you know that deep reverence, that fear of what might come through when you sit with yourself. I know I was carrying a lot of grief that I felt like I hadn’t dealt with; she helped me acknowledge that.
Raising a Daughter, Rebirthing Myself
There’s something special and scary about having a girl. She will one day be a woman, and I have an opportunity to do it differently to how I was raised as a girl, by my family and by society. That holds the weight of responsibility: how I nurture her as a child will be how she walks out there into the world. I know everyone experiences parenting differently but for me, being a boy mum, my sons see me as the leader. They follow me. How I lead is an example to them in how to respect and be in relation with women – which has been beautiful, because it’s allowed me to love myself deeper.
But as a girl mum, I think I’m going to see more of myself in her – so there’s a fear there of what I might find confronting, but there’s also excitement to see myself as a child again. I get the opportunity to not only raise her, but to raise the child within myself.
Three Children, Three Journeys
I’m looking forward to seeing my children come together as three: my eldest is a natural born leader. My second adores his big brother and in turn I’m excited to see him extend that love to his new sister, and feel proud of himself as her teacher. They’ll raise each other in the process. I feel that my boys are going to be able to hold space for me to be with my daughter; we will all get to share that love together.
There’s a 10-year gap between my first child and my third. My first time, I was finding my way as a mother; my second was being more present as a mother; both times I think there was still an element of control. This third time around I’m learning to surrender, to accept and lean into this beautiful gift of community and sisterhood that I’m so lucky to be surrounded by in my life – mothers and others from different walks of life, unique stories and journeys. It’s helped me realise that I just want to be a mother for a moment. I’ve worn all the hats simultaneously for ten years, dealing with all the opportunities of human experience (even the hard times are opportunities to learn more about myself). I feel like I haven’t allowed myself this focused presence to just be with my children. The experience of women around me shows me it’s okay to surrender to this full devotion my daughter is calling me to.
The Circle of Women
During this third pregnancy, I felt a yearning to be in circle with women once again. I haven’t sat in a circle for a long time, and this was the year I knew I needed it physically, emotionally and spiritually to nurture parts of me that I haven’t given enough space to so far. I know I’ve come from strong women who sat in community, in circle together – aunties, mothers, grandmothers and sisters were part of the raising of a child.
I intentionally made the decision to call that in for myself, and there’s been some phenomenal women on the journey. I’ve been able to learn new perspectives and insights from their life experiences, and I’m finding deep gratitude for these women and mothers.
While I’m allowing myself to be cared for, I’m also feeling a yearning towards how I can be of support to other women in and around my life, especially Indigenous women. We live in a society and a time that has become so isolated; intergenerational trauma is so much easier healed in connection with others – we can’t do it alone. It’s our responsibility to do the work of processing that trauma. When we’re in connection with the women around us, we honour our elders and ancestors – I think we forget that we will become them.
I believe that if we can heal our women, we can heal the world and the generations to come, because the women are the bearers of the next generation. As a society, we are then ready to raise brave women who step into spaces and are confident to express all of themselves – and raise strong men who are self-assured and can stand alongside such women.
Grace in the Many Hats We Wear
As a woman you wear so many hats: mother, partner, daughter, sister, friend, mentor, businesswoman, creator, and more. I’m still learning how to dance between them. Over time I’m learning to give myself more grace in moments, to just be what’s required of me in that moment – when it feels heavy or stressful, it’s because I’m trying to be too many at the same time. I’m reminded from my beautiful team that there’s only one of me! I can only do one thing at a time, and serve the people I’m with: whether that’s wiping my son’s tears and talking to him about life lessons, or talking to a room full of people who are listening to and looking to me for cultural knowledge or healing guidance – they’re the most important people in that moment, they get all of me.
And when do we give all of ourselves to our self? The reality I’m learning from listening to the wisdom of the women around me is: we have sometimes more, sometimes less space for that in different phases of our journeys. Right now with a growing business and young family, I take my moments whenever I can – sometimes that might just be in the shower, allowing the water to wash over me and cleanse my body, feeling all the sensations. Or when the house is finally sleepy, and my mind gets to dream about the future I want to create for myself.
Even when I’m on stage, sharing a story of who I am and where I come from, I can feel deeply connected with myself despite being in a room full of people – I know not everyone would feel like that on stage! But it’s a kind of magic switch I’ve discovered in myself, that I can feel connection in that moment and invite other people to share in that. I suppose it’s why I do what I do. It’s important to find your version of that magic switch, that connection, those moments that make your own heart sing.
A Sacred Pause for Devotion
But for now, I’m taking some dedicated time to be mother, to lean into family and community, as they support me to nurture this beautiful new little soul in our lives.